Having worked over a decade at the same charter school, in the same grade (5th), with the same academic standards, and virtually the same 8-10 minute drive five days a week and 180 days a year, I have had my fair share of experiences with students I have taught in year's past come back to visit me in my classroom: three feet taller and hopefully a profusion of knowledge in that ever-growing brain of theirs. I have also experienced kids much younger than 5th grade, approach me at school practically yelling, "Mr. Fitz! My sister was in your class!" And while the confidence they have to approach me in such a manner is inspiring and their excitement to chat with me is flattering, I am not as hard on myself for forgetting who it is I am talking to compared to when it comes from a former student five years older and three feet taller.
After all, there was once a time when I taught them 30+ hours a week, 180 days out of the year. All that time, and the best I can do is think, Who are you and why do you look so familiar? My logic is, if I truly formed a solid bond with that student, I should know them by name no matter how many years passed. I should recall vivid memories, because my entire year was formed around molding that child academically, socially, and emotionally.
I'm not one to forgive myself quickly and easily, especially in the aspect of teacher-student relationships. I pride myself in my ability to connect with the students in a friendly, silly, encouraging way that reminds them they matter and are seen, heard, and most importantly, considered a valuable part of the classroom and the world. So when I forget, it feels like I never connected with them when they were in my classroom full time. Then I feel worse. I should know this student because I put my time and energy into loving them, I think to myself.
Then I consider the disciples, who are just like me, and it becomes so much easier to forgive myself for these blunders.
Throughout the New Testament, there are numerous "I forgot" moments the disciples have in Jesus' presence: ones where Jesus must have been thinking, Have you gone mad? Are you deranged? Like a coach should have unswerving confidence in his players representing the team, I'm certain Jesus had a similar attitude towards his disciples. But sometimes you have to wonder why Jesus chose them in the first place.
Consider one example. Jesus revealed to the disciples the suffering, unforgivable torture, and eventual death he would endure after being arrested and placed in the hands of the chief priests. Peter staunchly replies that it will never happen to Jesus, no way no how. Anyone who had ever read this part of Matthew knows what happens next. Without hesitation, Jesus calls Peter, "Satan" and a "Stumbling Block" (Matthew 16:21-23). Can you imagine being the other 11 disciples in that moment? You could probably hear a rabbit munching on a carrot in the nearby garden of Gethsemane. Matthew probably whispered "No he didn't" to Phillip to cut through the awkward silence like a sharp knife.
"Glad I didn't share what I was thinking," one disciple. "Did he call him Satan?"
"Do you actually think Peter is Satan?" Another disciple.
"Suspend him without pay," a third disciples whispers.
"Bro. We're not getting paid," pause. "Wait, are you getting paid?"
"Someone give Petey a hug. He needs it."
"He needs more than a hug...if you know what I mean."
"Andrew! You naughty dog!"
Regardless, Peter's famously bold statement that caused Jesus to call him Satan is not the only incident that would cause most to wonder what was going through the minds of the disciples, who gave up their old lives to spend every waking moment walking with Jesus and getting to know him. After all, if you were to invest all of that time, effort, and energy following Jesus' every footstep, listening to every word, and copying every behavior, you should be able to discern what to say and not to say during his most tense moments.
But this moment is not just a stand-alone. Peter acting a fool is not an abnormal incident where a disciple misspoke and expressed a thought that was misaligned with Jesus' mission - and it's not just Peter.
Enter Phillip, another one of Jesus' disciples, who had a whoopsie moment in front of Jesus. A "You've been with me all this time, and that's the best question you've got?" kind of moment. In fact, I'm pretty confident my translation isn't too far off from what was actually said.
In John 14, we see Jesus sitting with his disciples, talking to them and preparing them for the future - a future, mind you, without Jesus' physical presence. Fortunately, the disciples had already spent a lot of time with Jesus up until this point, so there would be no reason to believe what teachers in the school setting would try to avoid calling a "dumb question." But, as most, if not all teachers know, dumb questions do exist, and Phillip proves just that.
He asks a dumb question.
I'll also happily admit that I tell kids the only dumb questions are ones that have already been answered less than 5 minutes prior. What's wild is that Jesus insinuates Phillip's question is profoundly dumb because Jesus spent his entire journey with the disciples answering the question Phil asks. Take a look:
"Phillip said, 'Lord, show us the father and that will be enough for us.'
Jesus answered, 'Don't you know me, Phillip (you know it's real when he calls him Phillip, not Phil), even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, 'Show us the Father'?" (John 14:8-9).
There is so much unpacking we can do here, but to stay on point, this is exactly what Spiritual ADHD looks like, because Jesus essentially tells Phillip, "Where have you been?" Maybe Phil didn't forget - maybe he was just afraid of what a post-Jesus world would look like. Or maybe through fear, Phil forgot who Jesus is and what his mission was when he was on earth. Either way, Phil's woopsie moment goes down as one of the Hall of Fame "I Forgot" moments.
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While it would be easy to lambaste Phil for asking such a disrespectful question, it would be even easier for Phil to criticize us for our lack of faith and understanding. After all, we're the ones living in an age where streets are abundant with churches we can freely worship in without condemnation and a prison sentence awaiting us. We're the generation that has WiFi access, Bible apps and Christian e-books just one click away. Don't care for digital books? Go to Amazon and have a physical book delivered to your door in less than one week. You are not frowned upon for loving God; in fact, enter any church and you likely find someone else who wants to walk the spiritual journey with you - and speaking of walking, you don't have to. You can drive, and if you can't, you can find someone who does. The point is, most people don't have restrictions to their faith the way the disciples did back then.
And we have "I forgot" moments like Phil did all the time. Even in a society where the Bible and Christ-inspired believers, pastors, and authors are right around the corner, on the internet, and within our friend groups just a text away, we still forget how mighty, loving, gracious, powerful, and wise God is. We forget that He is on our side, and He does not just have the answer...
He is the answer.
So, how do we avoid falling into these "I forgot" moments that so many of the disciples got swept up in?
1. Seek Christ with your entire being: "Those who seek Christ, shall find him," according to Matthew Henry Commentary on Luke 24, "he will manifest himself to those that inquire after him..."
Since I have worked at EDUPRIZE for a while I have seen many faces - most of them I know because they spent approximately 180 days in my classroom. The students I see outside of the classroom are on the way to dropping my students off at specials (PE, Computers, Science, Music, etc.) or at lunch, when other younger grades are outside as well. Because I am not engaged with these younger grades on a daily basis, they know my name but I often don't know theirs when they shout mine.
God's Word promises we will find Him when we look, and unlike my EDUPRIZE interactions with kids I do not know, he knows your name! When we abide in him and store our treasures up in Heaven, not on our earthly problems, he will manifest himself to us - what an incredible gift!
2. Limit time spent "admiring the problem": Do not confuse this with 'considering' the problem. Yes, we do need to consider the problem, but as a means to an end. Problems should only garner attention in order to come up with adequate and appropriate solutions. When we're confronted with spiritual ADHD - lack of focus on our solution - we should spend more time developing solutions through God's wisdom rather than focusing only on the problem and its deadly ripple effects. As Kaye Otten and Jodie Tuttle says in their book How to Reach and Teach Children with Challenging Behaviors, "...we need to use [time] wisely, focusing more time on problem solving than problem admiring." Though Otten and Tuttle's book applies more to children and their misbehaviors in the classroom, we can easily apply this rule of thumb to how we approach our spiritual journey with God.
From my own experience, sometimes I get so wrapped up in my problems, I fuse God to them and make myself believe that He takes delight in engineering my problems just to make me miserable. Out of uncontrollable anger and unrelenting negative emotion, I demand God do something in my favor, rather than trust Him that He is already doing something far greater in me than I can ever ask or imagine. In the end, I expend far more energy fighting against God rather than allowing his wisdom, guidance, providence, and everlasting love do the fighting for me.
If we are patient, slow down, and admire Him, we might find the solution faster than we can fully reflect on the problem.
3. Believe God is Smart Enough - "...What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived --- the things God has prepared for those who love him. These are things God has revealed to us by the Holy Spirit." Sounds too good to be true, right? It is, but it is also true - it's found in the Bible: 1 Corinthians 2:9-10. For context, Paul says even the rulers of the earth couldn't understand it.
One evening, I met two friends of mine for coffee. The goal in meeting was to uplift one another through prayer, Biblical wisdom, and general anecdotes that relate to our prayer requests.
One of these friends is the type of guy who has the gift of words. You know the type; their prayers are Hall of Fame conversations with God - fueled by intense emotion, commanding enunciation, and an exceptional string of vocabulary words that I would never think once to use in my prayers. You would think he rehearsed these prayers before showing up to our bi-monthly meetings. As we were nearing the end of our meeting, he shared that we need to "believe God is smart enough." On my 16-minute drive home, my friend's exhortative words rang loudest of all of the wisdom he shared.
Believe God is smart enough.
Even if you did use over 35% of our brain, any version of intelligence you can think of does not come close to what God has planned. But how often, when confronted by a problem, especially those enormous ones that don't seem to go away, do we only use ourselves and everyone else except God. Mostly, we get down on our knees by our bedside when we're at our wits end, down to our final straw, and spending our last $6. We don't use God and his infinite wisdom first. He is usually our last resort.
I am not comparing myself to God here, but it reminds me of when a child misbehaves because another student "made him do it." My typical response is, "Why didn't you come to me before it got worse? I could have helped you navigate through the problem without you getting into trouble!" Like any student who misbehaves in response to another student's behavior, we are always responsible for how we respond. If you agree that God is smarter than you and I, raise your hand. I'm sure you raised your hand as your staring at these words, because of course he is. But we don't. So often we don't.
We can approach the throne room of grace...and find grace to help us in times of need (Hebrews 4:16), or not go to God in the middle of trial. God lovingly gifts us with free will, so the bottom line is: Did you go to God? Or did we forget how intelligent and wise he is?
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Maybe you don't give God enough credit in your day because you only seek God when it's convenient, you admire the problem too much, you don't believe God is smart enough to solve your problems, or a combination of the three. Or maybe, "none of the above" is the reason you're forgetting that God made you, he loves you, and he knows you by name.
Is Jesus asking you the same question? "Don't you know me...even after I have been among you such a long time?"
Your desire to pursue him does not weaken or strengthen his desire to pursue you. Unlike me not knowing the little ones' names when they say hello to me at school, God knows you and wants you to know your problems can be solved because He is smart enough.
"If you seek Him, you will find Him."
You will also find the answers you're looking for.