My Dreams vs. Reality

 They say dreams are small pieces of your subconscious finding the spotlight where your conscious currently resides.

I’m not sure who they are and I’m not sure if anyone’s ever said that because I’ve never heard that before.

 

…but, c’mon, it sounds scientific and exactly what dreams do.

If you rewind the tape, you would notice I wasn’t your average college kid who couldn’t wait until those four dreadful years were over and I could live out the ambitions I went into college debt for. To me, graduation was the equivalent of being thrown into a world of unpredictable twists and turns, not an opportunity to turn your future aspirations into now. After all, not everyone gets to be what they want after the first try, and that scared me sleepless.

A majority of college graduates have to go through the painful years of discovering themselves before they wind up getting the career they went to college for – if their mind doesn’t change by the time the actual opportunity rolls around. So, their 20s are filled with either one, constantly competing against hundreds, if not thousands, of other applicants who are likely better qualified due to experience or bias. Two, they give up on what gets them giddy and resort to less pleasant experiences coming out of college in hopes it is merely a short-term rung of the ladder to the career of your choice. Or three, they step into something entirely different than what they were anticipating for the long-term and find out quickly enough that they are inspired to call an audible on their initial dreams.

For someone who already questioned whether they wanted to spend their money learning how to teach children, entering the field trying to prove myself to employers added to the pressure to be a booming success out of the gate. I was option one, but I wasn’t thrilled about it for many other reasons other than having to compete with other ambitious educators. Needless to say, I put more on my plate mentally than I should have – most of the pressure was unnecessary considering where I am at now.

I allowed this mindset to eat at me and cause me to randomly burst into tears throughout the final two years before my student teaching semester began. I was stricken by immense anxiety and stunned with indescribable doubt because I didn’t know what the future would have in store for me. So many times I prayed and asked God for a crystal ball to ease my mind. Instead of welcoming the mystery and anticipating the thrill that comes with the rollercoaster the real-world would put me on, I was apprehensive and shell-shocked that the rest of my life was within reach. You could argue I was allowing worry and anxiety to derail me from putting my future in God’s hands.

My two remaining years of college were when the subconscious in my mind was making its way to the surface like a buoy refusing to go underwater. I didn’t want to feel this terrible about the rest of my life after my college education concluded, but like stuffing a million marbles behind a flimsy closet door, the subconscious fear and crippling despair were bursting out of the forefront of my mind – so much for the that part of my mind preventing me from living my life peacefully and with eager anticipation to start the next chapter of my life.

 

After college in Michigan, I moved down to Tempe, Arizona with a college friend. The year my best friend and I moved south, I had a tremendously difficult rookie year teaching 6^th grade (not just because it was my first). Put it this way: Most of my conversations with God sounded like, “I told you this would happen,” as if I planned against God’s wishes to have emotional and mental meltdowns in college just to have my feelings validated a year later. No matter how I write about this season of my life, it sounds bizarre to consider my logic at the time, or lack thereof. Turns out, the nightmare year I experienced was necessary for the rest of my teaching career to take shape. I needed to experience the pain in the forest to see the clearing on the other side.

 

Without retelling the following decade and a half (known as the clearing after the forest of pain and suffering) after college in too much detail, the following school years teaching 5^th grade in Gilbert, Arizona were not only filled with some incredibly blessed professional years, but also full of memories where God proved to me that he can use anyone he chooses to do his will, even if it’s not always easy or rewarding.

 

However, the panic and unending barrage of discouragement I felt in my remaining two years of college never disappeared; they just slowly crawled back into the darkness of my subconscious where dreams and nightmares are created when my head hits the pillow and my eyes drift off to sleep.

 

For example, I once dreamt I was back in Michigan. I was scheduled to substitute for a Junior High class, but the dream started with me walking into the school with my pajamas on. From the jump, I was unprepared to sub. As is typical in my teaching dreams, I couldn’t find the room I was subbing for, so when I finally did find it, I was already 15 minutes late. It was for 8^th grade science, and the kids started laughing the moment they laid their judgmental eyes on me. I looked around the room and realized I was in a classroom surrounded by glass windows twice the size of the regular rooms, and surrounding the classroom were the hallways of the school like a moat surrounding Alcatraz. When I finally meandered to the teacher desk, there were no sub plans to be seen. Only the teacher’s science textbook teacher’s manual was visible, and it was flipped open to a random chapter. As I scanned the room, it was obvious I was flustered and unsure of how to help the kids for that hour, let alone the entire 7 hours. This embarrassment, though not my fault, became fuel for the fire as their laughter and apathy became louder. The worst part was feeling like I was to blame for this mistake.

 

It was no dream. It was a nightmare. Unprepared, unworthy, underachieving, and a waste of time: my worst fear in a realistic dream. That is what my subconscious told me in those two years before graduation, and that is what every dream about teaching has been about. This example is just one of many.

 

The many that tell me...

 

I’m not good enough.

They’ll never accept me.

I’m too stupid.

They’ll laugh at me.

I’ll humiliate myself.

I will ruin my one shot at this.

I’ll never make them proud.

I might as well give up while I’m ahead.

I’m a waste of time

No one should have taken a chance on me

I’m a failure and that’s all I’ll ever be.

 

But, for every nightmare I occasionally have about a school experience that isn’t even real, I am reminded 25 times a day that God’s grace is often revealed when reality doesn’t match the fictional horror stories we make up in our minds.

 

God’s grace, when we choose faith in the midst of fear, proves it is sufficient for you and me because God often reminds us that those lies will remain lies as long as we walk with God to follow through on his plan for us.

 

It sounds like a mouthful, so let me paint you a clearer picture:

- Never have I ever subbed for a classroom where there were no lesson plans.

- Never have I ever had a classroom full of students laugh at my expense because I did something embarrassing.

- Never have I ever been humiliated because I wasn’t prepared to teach.

- Never have I ever gotten lost in a school because I couldn’t find where I was teaching for the day.

- Never have I ever been fired or in trouble because I wasn’t good enough to work at a school

Yet all of my teaching dreams have one or more of these elements in them, which proves to me what God does through you is powerful enough to transcend the lies we believe about ourselves.

Which makes these nightmares, as realistic as they are at times, as silly as the unrealistic dreams where I turn into a marshmallow in the middle of a blizzard. Those nightmares don’t align with who I really am and what I’m really about.

For me, what my junior and senior year of college brought to the surface was the lie I believed that I won’t amount to anything because I won’t be good enough and no one will recognize me as worthy of their time, thus rendering me useless and unserviceable.

That I will be a failure.

And, if God shows me through my career that those are boldface lies, the dreams will remind me that, at any moment, you could lose it all because all of the success you have had is smoke-and-mirrors for what is true: you are not a true teacher because you are a failure.

Again, a lie, just like those nightmares.

Starting to sound like a never-ending abyss of bad news, isn’t it? Well, this is where the good news comes in like that Gandalf scene in Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. Indeed, Gimli, the sun is rising: Rising with good news.

Growing up, my dad called Satan a lion without teeth. He can roar all he wants to scare the courage out of you, but he can’t eat you unless you let him have his teeth. These dreams? They don’t have teeth when I am steeped in the truth of who God says I am. The anxiety I felt about the future in those remaining two years of college also didn’t have teeth.

The more I grounded myself in God’s Truth and let His beautiful words fill my brain, the less the lies had a hold on me. It’s like when you introduce a pan of burnt cookies to Dawn dish soap: the longer the lies are marinating with God’s truth, the weaker of a hold those lies have on you. When the lies are covered in Truth, you don’t even need to scrape the burnt cookie crumbs off because gravity will do the job.

When you’re head is foggy and filled with doubt like mine was – when your nightmares are reality and feel so much like the Truth, it’s hard to see God’s intervention through it – don’t give up. Remind yourself and even memorize these Scriptures, because they are the Truth and no nightmare you’re living can change them to fiction:

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” – Matthew 6:26

“Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful…for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:8-9

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to In God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:6-7

In my remaining years of college before graduation, these were my main Bible verses that played leading roles in my life at the time, and they helped me graduate higher than a 3.6 GPA, move down to Arizona from Michigan, and start my teaching career teaching elementary age kids. Over 15 years later, I am still teaching in Arizona because of God’s goodness, faithfulness, and his peace guiding me through every up and down I experience. These verses were the swords I used to fight against the lion without teeth. The Word of the Lord gave me the prosperity I needed, and his peace and provision reminded me of my worth in Him.

Praise God for his unfailing love and plan for me.

Jesus, The Electrician

 

In 2024, my wife and I moved to north Mesa, about 20 minutes from our original home. It took me double the time to get to work, but the solitude, peace, and safety was worth it. It’s not to say we weren’t safe at the previous location, but the new spot is more countryside than city. Less congestion and noise, more safety.

 

Being further north doesn’t just mean safety, though. It also means more Jesus.

 

He’s just a phone call away, and he’ll fix any lights you need to because he’s a certified electrician.

 

We all need Jesus in our life because he’ll keep the lights of your life shining brightly. He will make sure the wires aren’t mixed up and you’re not living in darkness. If you reach out to him, he will draw near to you and will be your guide when things shut down on you.

 

This is inevitably what went through my mind when I saw an 8x10 flyer duct taped to a lamppost advertising and offering Jesus Garcia’s services to the North Mesa community.

 

And every time I saw this same advertisement faithfully hanging on by a thread, I would think about the parallels Jesus Garcia the electrician has with Jesus Christ the carpenter.

 

Well, just the name and the fact that they were known for their work with their hands.

 

“Need an Electrician? Call Jesus Garcia,” the flyer read.

 

Since I have yet to call the number, I don’t know much about the guy other than what is advertised on the flyer. Everything else is inferred: He’s confident he can get the job done, he’s from Mesa or around there, and he is not Jesus Christ. I could also infer he’s a good guy, a trustworthy electrician, and does not have a criminal record, but for a guy I only know through a piece of paper in the middle of a bridge overlooking the 202, it’s a stretch to say he’s a good man, electrician, and citizen of Arizona.

 

It’s also a stretch to say he’s a bad man, an untrustworthy electrician, and a criminal because, the point is, we don’t know enough about the guy to trust our gut.

 

When it comes to Jesus Garcia, we need to do our research on the guy before we allow him into our home, pay him money, and let him fix whatever is broken. We need to look up reviews, see if his website looks professional, and ask around to see if people know him as a reliable tradesperson. Even if he is, there may be other companies who are better suited to be the solution to your problem.

 

This is not a rant about who Jesus Garcia is or is not. After all, I haven’t even called the guy to know if he’s real. Regardless, what I do know is no matter how much investigating I do, there will always be one difference between the two tradespeople named Jesus, among many:

 

One Jesus doesn’t need to prove himself to be the best choice.

 

No offense to Jesus Garcia, but there is centuries and generations worth of positive, powerful reviews that Jesus Christ is the most dependable electrician in the world, then and now. There is not only billions and billions of eyewitness accounts proving he is the best decision you can ever make, but books are written about him. In fact, he’s so good, he’ll even help you through issues you didn’t know you had!

 

Evidence aside, the mere fact that Jesus Christ is co-equal with God and the Holy Spirit is all you need to know when it comes to who you should place your ultimate trust in. If this is the case, then let me introduce you to a math term called the Transitive Property:

 

If A=B, and B=C, then A=C.

 

If God is co-equal with the Holy Spirit, and the Holy Spirit is co-equal with Jesus, then God is co-equal with Jesus.

 

Now that’s quality math.

 

Billy Graham, in his daily devotional, Hope for Each Day, explains how the Holy Spirit, God, and the Son are not just equal, but that the Holy Spirit is “not an impersonal power or force, nor is He just a divine influence or agent. He is a mighty Person, the Holy Spirit of God.”

 

Again, A=B, and B=C, so A=C. This means if the Holy Spirit is mighty, so is Jesus. And if you’ve spent any time around Jesus Christ, you would know that the power of his presence will keep the lights on in your heart and mind for a long time.

 

Usually, we call on a man like Jesus Garcia because we need help. We’re feeling despair because something that should be working is not. Because Jesus Christ is 100% satisfaction guaranteed, we will never reach a point of despair. Anglican bishop Jeremy Taylor said, “It is impossible for that man to despair who remembers that his Helper is omnipotent.”

 

No offense to Jesus Garcia, but though he may screw in lightbulbs and install control systems in houses, he is not all-powerful, all-present, and all-knowing. That would be an amazing electrician if he was. But Jesus Christ is, and we do not need to worry about our lives when we have an all-powerful God who is just a phone call away.

 

If you’re ever in the Mesa area and you need an electrician who will keep the lights of your life shining brightly, make sure the wires aren’t mixed up, and you’re not living in darkness, reach out to Jesus. He will draw near to you and will be your guide when things shut down on you.

 

And give Jesus a call while you’re at it.

 

 

Mocking Jesus

One of the lessons I teach my 5^th grade students is how words have negative and positive connotations. Typically, as an example, I use my physical appearance:

“Some people would say I am skin and bones. Others would say I am lean.” I would say. “Which one has a negative connotation?”

“Skin and bones,” students usually blurt.

Now imagine you and your best friend get into a fight over the last donut. You both want the delectable, cream-filled work of art, but instead of sacrificing your taste buds’ desire to consume the donut to preserve the bond you have formed with your best friend, you fight over it with catfighting, sarcasm, name calling, and eventually, mocking. Mocking.

Why is mocking associated with arguments and mostly unnecessary fighting. Meaning, why does mocking have a negative connotation? Mocking seems to introduce itself the moment nothing else works; like an offensive strategy that presumably gives those who use it an edge on the argument. As if we somehow got to the point of believing mocking can blow through the defenses of its opponent. But, it’s not just humans that do this to one another. Birds do this too. Please welcome, the Northern Mockingbird:

*Note: I am the owner of these photos and took them.

Is this bird a bad boy because it has the word mocking? I’ll let you be the judge:

According to a 5^th grade comprehension passage about the Mockingbird on I-Ready.com, “These birds can imitate just about any sound they hear. These sounds include those of other birds, animals, or objects. Mockingbirds can sound like a washing machine, a doorbell, or even squeaky door hinges.”

If you don’t think that’s annoying, you haven’t heard it all.

“And unlike other birds, mockingbirds LOVE to sing at night, especially when people are trying to sleep.”

Unless it’s “Graves Into Gardens,” by Elevation Worship or “Innocence” by Kenny G, I’m pretty sure imitating a song in the middle of the night at the expense of one’s peaceful sleep is a negative thing.

But if mocking is similar to imitating, like the mockingbird does, we should be like the mockingbird when it comes to being like Jesus. Ephesians 5:1-2 says it best:

“Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ…” (NLT)

So while the Northern Mockingbird is out there annoyingly following the example of your Maytag washing machine from Home Depot, you are called to follow Christ’s example – in a positive connotation sort of way.

At the end of the day, it seems mocking could be about semantics and what the context is. When you hear the word "mock" and "Jesus" in the same sentence, it is probably not a pleasant experience. You, similar to me, are likely thinking about when the Chief Priests mocked Jesus as he was being tortured and crucified on the cross for our sins and theirs (see Matthew 27:41). I am not saying the mocking Jesus in that sort of way is a good thing.

But if we’re thinking of mocking the way the bird does it by “imitation” of other things it is around, we may be onto something here.

After all, when it comes to imitating other birds, it’s not just one voice they mimic: “A mockingbird may combine the songs of 32 different bird species plus other sounds in a 10-minute song.”

Though it would be interesting to know the reasons they do this, the point being made in connection to Jesus is that we are called to imitate his voice in our daily lives. As Christians, the role we play should be to sound like Jesus in a world where it is very tempting to “Do you.”

Our world is filled with excuses to be individualistic – all around are billboards, advertisements, and commercials promoting you in an effort to convince you to buy their product. Recently, I saw an advertisement on TV during an NBA game break and its slogan is “Worship Yourself.” Speaking of the NBA, athletes are more frequently “doing what’s best for them” when it comes to making a decision to opt out of their contract and sign elsewhere. The star athlete and his agent believe they have been loyal enough or that their chapter in life has come to an end and it's on to something new. In some case, it is justified, but too often, it doesn’t have to happen.

Documented and instructed all throughout Scripture, God commands us to be imitators of Christ – to copy the way Jesus lived life and to study his ways carefully:

-         “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.  Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.” – James 1:22-25

-        “Dear friend, do not imitate what is evil but what is good. Anyone who does what is good is from God. Anyone who does what is evil has not seen God.” – 3^rd John 1:11

-        “Therefore, everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.” – Matthew 7:24

These are just a few examples, and what they all have in common are the words “doing” and “practice.” If we do what the Word tells us, believing it and practicing what it commands us to do, we are imitating the Christian standard set for men and woman who follow Christ.

We are mockingbirds, mimicking and imitating the sounds of whatever we worship and desire. If it is fashion, self, or the shiniest gadgets; if it is saving money, bitcoin, or investing in the stock market; if it is video games, fatty foods, and late nights binge-watching Neflix, we will imitate that sort of life in what we fill our minds with, how we fill our day, and why we behave the way we do. If I am to live my life wisely and go through it imitating anything, it should be Scripture, the way Jesus treated others, and God's call in my life. 

Therefore, if “mocking” is associated with the word imitating, than I would be happy to mock Jesus.