My Dreams vs. Reality

 They say dreams are small pieces of your subconscious finding the spotlight where your conscious currently resides.

I’m not sure who they are and I’m not sure if anyone’s ever said that because I’ve never heard that before.

 

…but, c’mon, it sounds scientific and exactly what dreams do.

If you rewind the tape, you would notice I wasn’t your average college kid who couldn’t wait until those four dreadful years were over and I could live out the ambitions I went into college debt for. To me, graduation was the equivalent of being thrown into a world of unpredictable twists and turns, not an opportunity to turn your future aspirations into now. After all, not everyone gets to be what they want after the first try, and that scared me sleepless.

A majority of college graduates have to go through the painful years of discovering themselves before they wind up getting the career they went to college for – if their mind doesn’t change by the time the actual opportunity rolls around. So, their 20s are filled with either one, constantly competing against hundreds, if not thousands, of other applicants who are likely better qualified due to experience or bias. Two, they give up on what gets them giddy and resort to less pleasant experiences coming out of college in hopes it is merely a short-term rung of the ladder to the career of your choice. Or three, they step into something entirely different than what they were anticipating for the long-term and find out quickly enough that they are inspired to call an audible on their initial dreams.

For someone who already questioned whether they wanted to spend their money learning how to teach children, entering the field trying to prove myself to employers added to the pressure to be a booming success out of the gate. I was option one, but I wasn’t thrilled about it for many other reasons other than having to compete with other ambitious educators. Needless to say, I put more on my plate mentally than I should have – most of the pressure was unnecessary considering where I am at now.

I allowed this mindset to eat at me and cause me to randomly burst into tears throughout the final two years before my student teaching semester began. I was stricken by immense anxiety and stunned with indescribable doubt because I didn’t know what the future would have in store for me. So many times I prayed and asked God for a crystal ball to ease my mind. Instead of welcoming the mystery and anticipating the thrill that comes with the rollercoaster the real-world would put me on, I was apprehensive and shell-shocked that the rest of my life was within reach. You could argue I was allowing worry and anxiety to derail me from putting my future in God’s hands.

My two remaining years of college were when the subconscious in my mind was making its way to the surface like a buoy refusing to go underwater. I didn’t want to feel this terrible about the rest of my life after my college education concluded, but like stuffing a million marbles behind a flimsy closet door, the subconscious fear and crippling despair were bursting out of the forefront of my mind – so much for the that part of my mind preventing me from living my life peacefully and with eager anticipation to start the next chapter of my life.

 

After college in Michigan, I moved down to Tempe, Arizona with a college friend. The year my best friend and I moved south, I had a tremendously difficult rookie year teaching 6^th grade (not just because it was my first). Put it this way: Most of my conversations with God sounded like, “I told you this would happen,” as if I planned against God’s wishes to have emotional and mental meltdowns in college just to have my feelings validated a year later. No matter how I write about this season of my life, it sounds bizarre to consider my logic at the time, or lack thereof. Turns out, the nightmare year I experienced was necessary for the rest of my teaching career to take shape. I needed to experience the pain in the forest to see the clearing on the other side.

 

Without retelling the following decade and a half (known as the clearing after the forest of pain and suffering) after college in too much detail, the following school years teaching 5^th grade in Gilbert, Arizona were not only filled with some incredibly blessed professional years, but also full of memories where God proved to me that he can use anyone he chooses to do his will, even if it’s not always easy or rewarding.

 

However, the panic and unending barrage of discouragement I felt in my remaining two years of college never disappeared; they just slowly crawled back into the darkness of my subconscious where dreams and nightmares are created when my head hits the pillow and my eyes drift off to sleep.

 

For example, I once dreamt I was back in Michigan. I was scheduled to substitute for a Junior High class, but the dream started with me walking into the school with my pajamas on. From the jump, I was unprepared to sub. As is typical in my teaching dreams, I couldn’t find the room I was subbing for, so when I finally did find it, I was already 15 minutes late. It was for 8^th grade science, and the kids started laughing the moment they laid their judgmental eyes on me. I looked around the room and realized I was in a classroom surrounded by glass windows twice the size of the regular rooms, and surrounding the classroom were the hallways of the school like a moat surrounding Alcatraz. When I finally meandered to the teacher desk, there were no sub plans to be seen. Only the teacher’s science textbook teacher’s manual was visible, and it was flipped open to a random chapter. As I scanned the room, it was obvious I was flustered and unsure of how to help the kids for that hour, let alone the entire 7 hours. This embarrassment, though not my fault, became fuel for the fire as their laughter and apathy became louder. The worst part was feeling like I was to blame for this mistake.

 

It was no dream. It was a nightmare. Unprepared, unworthy, underachieving, and a waste of time: my worst fear in a realistic dream. That is what my subconscious told me in those two years before graduation, and that is what every dream about teaching has been about. This example is just one of many.

 

The many that tell me...

 

I’m not good enough.

They’ll never accept me.

I’m too stupid.

They’ll laugh at me.

I’ll humiliate myself.

I will ruin my one shot at this.

I’ll never make them proud.

I might as well give up while I’m ahead.

I’m a waste of time

No one should have taken a chance on me

I’m a failure and that’s all I’ll ever be.

 

But, for every nightmare I occasionally have about a school experience that isn’t even real, I am reminded 25 times a day that God’s grace is often revealed when reality doesn’t match the fictional horror stories we make up in our minds.

 

God’s grace, when we choose faith in the midst of fear, proves it is sufficient for you and me because God often reminds us that those lies will remain lies as long as we walk with God to follow through on his plan for us.

 

It sounds like a mouthful, so let me paint you a clearer picture:

- Never have I ever subbed for a classroom where there were no lesson plans.

- Never have I ever had a classroom full of students laugh at my expense because I did something embarrassing.

- Never have I ever been humiliated because I wasn’t prepared to teach.

- Never have I ever gotten lost in a school because I couldn’t find where I was teaching for the day.

- Never have I ever been fired or in trouble because I wasn’t good enough to work at a school

Yet all of my teaching dreams have one or more of these elements in them, which proves to me what God does through you is powerful enough to transcend the lies we believe about ourselves.

Which makes these nightmares, as realistic as they are at times, as silly as the unrealistic dreams where I turn into a marshmallow in the middle of a blizzard. Those nightmares don’t align with who I really am and what I’m really about.

For me, what my junior and senior year of college brought to the surface was the lie I believed that I won’t amount to anything because I won’t be good enough and no one will recognize me as worthy of their time, thus rendering me useless and unserviceable.

That I will be a failure.

And, if God shows me through my career that those are boldface lies, the dreams will remind me that, at any moment, you could lose it all because all of the success you have had is smoke-and-mirrors for what is true: you are not a true teacher because you are a failure.

Again, a lie, just like those nightmares.

Starting to sound like a never-ending abyss of bad news, isn’t it? Well, this is where the good news comes in like that Gandalf scene in Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. Indeed, Gimli, the sun is rising: Rising with good news.

Growing up, my dad called Satan a lion without teeth. He can roar all he wants to scare the courage out of you, but he can’t eat you unless you let him have his teeth. These dreams? They don’t have teeth when I am steeped in the truth of who God says I am. The anxiety I felt about the future in those remaining two years of college also didn’t have teeth.

The more I grounded myself in God’s Truth and let His beautiful words fill my brain, the less the lies had a hold on me. It’s like when you introduce a pan of burnt cookies to Dawn dish soap: the longer the lies are marinating with God’s truth, the weaker of a hold those lies have on you. When the lies are covered in Truth, you don’t even need to scrape the burnt cookie crumbs off because gravity will do the job.

When you’re head is foggy and filled with doubt like mine was – when your nightmares are reality and feel so much like the Truth, it’s hard to see God’s intervention through it – don’t give up. Remind yourself and even memorize these Scriptures, because they are the Truth and no nightmare you’re living can change them to fiction:

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” – Matthew 6:26

“Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful…for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:8-9

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to In God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:6-7

In my remaining years of college before graduation, these were my main Bible verses that played leading roles in my life at the time, and they helped me graduate higher than a 3.6 GPA, move down to Arizona from Michigan, and start my teaching career teaching elementary age kids. Over 15 years later, I am still teaching in Arizona because of God’s goodness, faithfulness, and his peace guiding me through every up and down I experience. These verses were the swords I used to fight against the lion without teeth. The Word of the Lord gave me the prosperity I needed, and his peace and provision reminded me of my worth in Him.

Praise God for his unfailing love and plan for me.

Elmo, The Hippocampus, Paul, and God

Have you ever been in a Kohl’s or Target that is closing in 10 minutes and you’re one of 3 customers left in the store? You know it’s closing soon even without the intercom reminding you to head to the checkout lanes because that’s when the smooth jazz or Bruno Mars comes on. Sometimes, you wonder if you’ve heard the song before but don’t remember where from.

 

Well, I can now say I have entered into new territory when it comes to niche places to have music enter your brain and get stuck in the depths of it.

 

It was June 1^st, 2026, and my brain was playing this faint melody was doing that “smooth jazz when Target is closing” again. Only this time, I was at home and realizing there’s no way to look up the song when all that’s playing is the beat in my mind. Even as I write, I have drawn the conclusion that I can’t even write the beat down without the lyrics helping that beat come to life.

 

Though we usually remember him as helping toddlers with the ABCs, teaching us about how bees protect their queen, and interacting with other puppets on the famous Sesame Street, Elmo helped me in an unusual way: remembering the song that was stuck in my head.

 

Aside from changing poopy diapers, cutting up sweet potatoes into chewable sizes for a baby’s mouth, and playing Bluey on repeat for several hours, having Elmo’s “Letter of the Day: A!” song stuck in my head rather than any song an adult would hear on the radio is the ultimate indicator parenting season is here and there’s no turning back.

 

The point is, God designed the brain this way on purpose. What our senses capture – whether it’s hearing, tasting, feeling, sight, or smelling, our brain reminds us what we sensed. It’s why people who see something they wish they didn’t say, “I can’t unsee that,” or they cringe when an unwanted song comes on because they’re bound to spend the rest of the day trying to dislodge it from their brain – but too late, it’s stuck there.

 

By now, it sounds like God is using the brain to torture us, but here’s the truth:

It’s about what we choose to put inside our brain that counts.

 

According to WebMD.com, “[The Hippocampus’] largest job is to hold short-term memories and transfer them to long-term storage in our brains.” Outside of memory, the Hippocampus is also responsible for learning and emotion. WebMD also points out that since the Hippocampus of the brain deals with memories, and memories are involved with every day life, it plays an important, complex role. Therefore, it can “talk” to other parts of the brain, and it needs to if it deals with such a vital part survival. For example, we need to rely on what we remember about cooking if we want to feed ourselves. If we get a deep cut in our arm, we need to rely on memory and learned behavior to provide aid to the cut so it doesn’t become an infection. Or, in the corporate world, we need to rely on not only what we recall from memory, but our ability to adapt and learn better ways of doing the same thing if we are to remain effective in the work place.

 

One example from my own life of my senses developing a short-term memory into a long term one is when I bought the Newsboys album, Thrive (this was the Peter Furler Newsboys that I grew up listening to 20+ years ago) right before Spring break around 2002. I was in eight grade, and my family and I were headed to Gulf Shores, Alabama from Michigan in our little minivan, and that entire trip and this album will have an eternal bond that no one can break. When I hear “Million Pieces,” “Live in Stereo,” and “The Fad of the Land,” I am immediately transported back to the 2002 on 21^st floor of our condo overlooking the Gulf of Mexico. The sound of the album creates the long-term memory I had of Alabama and the fun times created there. It brings the memories from 25 years ago to the front of my mind like I went there just last month.

 

Back to Elmo, if I spend enough time with him through watching Netflix episodes, or listening to his music on Spotify, then his voice is going to play a big role in my brain and his catchy tune will transport me back to the many other times I listened and/or experienced Elmo.

 

When Paul wrote to the church in Philippi, his desire was for the people to focus on good things; in so many words, to fill the Hippocampus with things of God: “Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” (Philippians 4:8-9, NLT) But then, he adds this zinger: “Keep putting to practice all you learned and received from me – everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.”

 

I believe this: to allow Elmo to truly invade the Hippocampus of my brain, I need to listen and put his words to practice. More fitting would be if my toddler listened to Elmo’s catchy song, then practiced what the little red puppet monster sang in the song. Next thing you know, Calvin is speaking in full sentences by two years old because of Elmo’s hit song.

 

Or, in my case, put people like Paul in my life and fill my day the words of God on a daily basis that draws me closer to the Truth and what God says about me. The Hippocampus wants and “thrives” off of connection with God. Why wouldn’t it? If Paul is as connected to Christ as he says in all of his letters – in Acts 20:24, he says, “None of these things move me…so that I finish my course with joy, and the ministry, which I have received of the Lord Jesus”) – then if the church in Philippi would be wise to practice all they “learned and received from [him].”

 

Choose today to fill your brain with Paul’s words, Jesus’ words, and the words of God. Choose today to surround yourself with people who love God deeply. Fuel your Hippocampus with memories with the Lord, and let it transfer those short-term memories to long-term.

 

“…Then the God of peace will be with you.”

 

According to Paul

 

“What’s the letter? Clap, clap. What’s the Letter? Clap, clap.”

 

According to Elmo.

 

The Recipe for Resting

Rest has many definitions under limitless contexts. Experts write books about rest, health professionals create podcasts based off rest, therapists recommend rest to their clients on a daily basis, and there’s even a phrase us commonfolk use to describe a long weekend from work: R and R. Yup, Rest and Relaxation. As a teacher, I hear the joke every year, at the beginning of August: “When will it be summer break?” after we just ended summer break two weeks ago. If you want to do a little digging in the Bible, you won’t get far before you see rest came shortly after God created the Heavens and the Earth. Dig further than Genesis and you will find that rest is nothing like sipping a Pina Colada on a beach in Nassau*, a massage and facial cleanse spa day with the lady friends, or golfing with the buddies at an unbelievably discounted rate.

*©Best Beaches in Nassau – Sandals® Resorts 

 

So what does the Bible mean when it talks about rest and how can we expand our thinking when it comes to God’s idea of it? After all, I don’t think He used his Sonoran Serenity Spa coupon for his day of rest on the 7^th day. When God rested on the 7^th day of creation (Genesis 2:2-3), “God did not rest as one weary, but as one well pleased,” according to Matthew Henry Commentary (MHC) of the two verses. Just like God took pleasure in what he made, we too can take pleasure in what he has done and continues to do in us. Rest is being satisfied and grateful for his sovereignty and Lordship.

Among rest being connected to contentment and pleasure, it can also be summarized by three critical points that are illustrated through various Scriptures in the Bible:  

    1. Rest is trusting in what God is doing and continues to do because it is sufficient and good.

Think back to when God made the earth. How many times does God make something in the beginning and Scripture says, “And God saw that it was good”? Seven times! This is sufficient work, God says, and I can rest in the quality work I have done.

Since we are not God, our attitudes about the work he has done should be less about us and more about how good he is. Rather than an attitude of entitlement, “God has done sufficient work through me, around me, and for my good, and I am grateful” should be our approach to every situation.

God shows us in Exodus 16 what rest looks like as a stressed out, distracted, scared, and vulnerable human being. In this passage, the Israelites are complaining, feeling their life of bondage with the merciless Egyptians was better (see Exodus 16:3) than the freedom they were supposedly experiencing with Moses. Before Moses goes to God, God hears the cries of the Israelites and promises to rain down bread from heaven. Moses then speaks to the Israelites, and puts them in their place, saying they are not grumbling against him, but God. Regardless, God provides and gives them just enough, as Exodus 16:17-18 says…

“The Israelites did as they were told; some gathered much and some little. And when they measured it by the omer, the one who gathered much did not have too much, and the one who gathered little did not have too little. Everyone had gathered just as much as they needed.”

God made sure the people gathered just enough and did not worry about the next morning. Instead of resting in the sufficiency of the bread for that day, they worried about their future and hoarded it for the following morning. As a result, Exodus 16:20 happened:

“However, some of them paid no attention to Moses; they kept part of [the bread] until morning, but it was full of maggots and began to smell.”

 The consequence of their mistrust and doubt was loss of food. When you rely on worry instead of trusting in the provision of God, you idolize the bread over Him; you trust in the provisions instead of the provider.

The Israelites were notorious for their complaining and what I call zooming into their problems so much that they couldn’t focus on what God was doing through the struggle (click HERE for my thoughts about what to do when you zoom in too much); as a result, they considered slavery a better option than the freedom and deliverance from the hands of the Egyptians through Moses, Joshua, and the mighty hand of God (see Numbers 20:2-5). The Israelites were doing the opposite of resting: living in fear, bondage to bitterness, and constant complaining about their life being worse than the freedom they would experience. Instead of trusting in what God was doing for the Israelites, they complained their way to disbelief. When we complain rather than trust, we are no different than the Israelites.

    2. Rest with gratitude and through faith

If we turn our anxiety, worry, and doubt into gratitude for what God has done with our renewed mind and faith that God will continue to provide and protect, we will be surprised at the amount of freedom we step into. You can’t have gratitude without contentment, and you can’t take pleasure in what God is doing without having faith in what he can do in any circumstance. Having gratitude in what God has done and faith in what God will do allows us to rest in what God is currently doing.

Unfortunately, the Israelites failed to rest in contentment and trust that the bread they acquired for that day alone was enough.  To have full confidence that the Father would take care of their tomorrow is living by faith, but

With gratitude over what God had done to bring them as far as they had come and faith that God would continue to liberate them, the Israelites could have lived in the present and let God take care of their needs – being present meant resting in God’s provision for today. Sound similar? That’s because Matthew 6:31-34 says something to the same effect of what Exodus 16:17-18 says:

“So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear? These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.”

Notice the end. Don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today. This is what God was saying to the Israelites through Moses. Need food not just for today? Take care of what I give you today, for today, and I will continue to take care of you one day at a time, for each day that you live. One day at a time is God’s motto when it comes to worry. Don’t remove yourself from what God is doing in and around you because you’re so focused on the future – be humble, thankful, and trust that he’ll take care of your today and your tomorrow.

    3. Rest is knowing God will protect you through all of the storms

If I were held prisoner on a ship headed into a massive storm that would likely destroy the ship I am on, I would freak out, and so would you. No need to waste time kidding yourself. You want to believe you’ll put your hope in God and won’t utter a cry for help. Easy to say, but like a 3^rd grader who forgot his lines for the school play, it's probable you’ll forget to put your hope in Jesus when the waves tear your ship, and likely you, in half.

Paul has the luxury of not only telling us he would remain calm knowing God would protect him, but he can actually say he did!

At this time, Paul is a prisoner and according to the accounts in Acts 27:18, the ship “took such a violent battering from the storm that the next day they began to throw the cargo overboard.” In addition, the storm is described as so immense, “neither sun nor stars appeared for many days and the storm continued raging, [as a result, they] finally gave up all hope of being saved (Acts 27:20).”

Yet, what is Paul’s response? (Acts 27:22-25)

“I urge you to keep up your courage, because not one of you will be lost… and angel of the God whom I belong and whom I serve…said, ‘Do not be afraid, Paul…God has graciously given you the lives of all who sail with you.’ So keep up your courage, men, for I have faith in God that it will happen just as he told me.”

I have faith in God that it will happen just as he told me. Sounds like trust and faith to me. In spite of the storm, Paul, a prisoner – yes, you read that right: a prisoner – tells everyone aboard that they can take courage because of what God told him. This all happened in the midst of Paul’s first problem: being a prisoner in chains with preposterous accusations against him. Paul, here, is well aware of who is on his side and who will defend him, even if he has valid reasons to give up hope. This testimony in Paul’s life shows how having the self-discipline of knowing and responding to the power of God with hope can help you rest through any of life’s storms, no matter how big or small.

When we partner with God and rest in him, it isn’t justification to be lazy or take a day off from hard work; rather, it is incentive to be present and focus on the Father’s provisions now, in the present. Allowing God to take care of everything you need turns the limited control you have over your future to a resource who has unlimited capabilities to protect you and guide you through life’s twists, turns, trials, and obstacles. Simply put, resting in Almighty God gives you the power to be present while allowing him to take care of the rest, including your present situation.  The best part? You don’t even need a Sonoran Serenity Spa day or an epic golf outing with the boys. All you need is a little bit of gratitude, faith, trust, and confidence in the Lord, and you have the perfect recipe to rest in him, his promises, and his providence over your life.

Though, a spa day wouldn’t hurt.